This is why I went on Strike

I spent some time with the kids toys recently, for the first time since I went on Toy Strike about two years ago. Toy Strike is my refusal to have anything to do with toys. I will not clean them up, organize them, fix them or find them. I had to do this for my own sanity.

Back when I had one one-year old baby, I read that you shouldn't overload your child with too many toys. Choose a small selection and rotate the toys weekly. Toy rotation became my Sunday night chore. I'd watch Law and Order Criminal Intent, and I'd assemble the toys, neatly organized in their clear plastic storage boxes, and bring out the next set. I'd even do cool things like arrange various stuffed animals and small toys in fun little action scenes ready for the child to enjoy.

That was before what I now call the 2nd Christmas Toy Explosion. In case you are a new parent, let me explain. You think you have the toy situation under control. Your baby has a few favorite toys and LOVES them. Your child will be perfectly content with these few cherished items. There is no way, you think, no way, you will ever let your home turn into a Toy-opolis, like some of those other parents who obviously just can't manage to say no.

It's simple, you just inform the grandparents and other friends and relatives that you'd prefer they not give toys as gifts. And they happily comply. They give your baby cute bibs, and funny socks, and board books, and you feel all wonderful and smug and in-control.

Until the 2nd Christmas, when baby is now a todder, suddenly, Grandma and everyone else, toss your rules out the window because they'd rather bribe cute little toddler smiles and hugs and kisses with mounds of Giant Plastic and Stuffed Objects.

Of course the bribes work, so for 2nd Birthday they come bearing more of the same, until suddenly, Sunday night, you realize it's 2 a.m., you're watching an infomercial, and you still haven't finished organizing and rotating the toys.

Fast forward five years, and multiple rounds of toy purging, the dreaded chore of going through the toys and making separate piles like they advise on Hoarders. My piles are like this:

Keep:
A few special dolls and stuffed animals. Quality toys and games that will stand the test of time. Fun toys that the child plays with on a regular basis.

Donate or Sell:
Nice toys from the 0-18 month age range that are gathering dust. Toys that require excessive assembly and/or set up space, and therefore are rarely used, despite how cool they may be. Stuffed animals of forgotten origin.

Discard:
Fast food toys. Toys with missing pieces. Dollar store toys. Broken toys. The Barbie doll with one leg. Battery operated toys that no longer work, despite numerous attempts to replace batteries.

However, the children have very different ideas as to how these piles should be organized:

Keep:
All items that mom agrees should be kept, PLUS: EVERY SINGLE STUFFED ANIMAL, (hugging it tightly) "because I love it sooooo much." (kisses stuffed animal). Every toy that makes an annoying noise. Every toy that comes with more than 10 pieces. Every battery operated toy, because "you can FIX it, it just needs new batteries! PLEASE!" Any fast food toy which is not broken. The LEG from the broken Barbie doll, which has been named "Leggy" and is a recurring comic-relief character in all imaginary play scenarios. The ads for additional products that were included in the box with another toy, and are now serving as treasure maps.

Donate or Sell:
The porcelain doll/piggybank/figurine that grandma gave you when you were born which is inscribed with your full name and birthdate, birth weight and height.

Discard:
The Barbie with one leg. The broken fast food toys. The expensive rocket and space station because one astronaut has lost his helmet. Broken crayon pieces smaller than one centimeter only. Random scraps of paper. Dirty Kleenex.

Needless to say, negotiations get complex and stressful and lead to temper tantrums and tears, and I really don't like my kids to see me that way, so . . . the Toy Strike has been reinstated.

The End

This has not been a good year for blogging. What's that? You missed me? You didn't notice? You only ended up here because you searched "child eats glue stick" or "Tell Me All Your Thoughts On God Song Meaning?" (Note how I cleverly promote the two most popular search entries leading to my blog. Not sure what I expect to accomplish with this cleverness, since this blog is not about glue sticks or late 90's music.)

But never fear friends, I'm still wasting time. I've spent the last 5 months revising my book, and after countless hours and documents, and even an editing class, I've come to the conclusion that I've come to the conclusion. I'm not exactly sure how a writer is supposed to know when their book is done. But for me, it's done when it's as good as I can make it. And so, for now, I'm done.

That's not to say my book is perfect and there's no room to improve. I'm just saying that at this point in time, I've taken it as far as whatever talent I posess permits. I'm entering the Pitch Wars contest in hopes of getting a mentor, because my own brain has been wrung dry on this book. I need a shot of genius from an outside source. And I need to stop reading my book backward and forward, before I have to pull a Taylor Swift and tell it we are never, ever, ever getting back together again.

So before I burn the bridges with Creepy Boy, I'm wishing it well, I'm sending it out into the world of Queries and Contests and other far distant places. Ours will be a long-distance relationship, and an open relationship too. Creepy Boy, feel free to let other minds twirl around your plot, POV and chapter order. And please don't be hurt if I start writing someone else. I know it's sudden. But he caught my eye the other day. . .no one you know. . .his name's Harm. He's in a rock band. His mom's a psycho. Runs in the family.

Don't worry, Creepy, we'll still keep in touch. I promised you another tweak of your final chapters. I'll come through for you on that the first weekend we get together. It'll be bittersweet and we'll both come away agreeing it's for the best.

Not Bored Yet.

Things to do:

1. Assemble all outgrown kids clothes and toys for a Mom to Mom sale. Note to self--presence of spiders is a good indicator of an outgrown toy.
2. Take 10 Pilates classes with the Skinny Housewives of West Bloomfield, in a two week period. Note to self--pay attention to when those Groupons expire.
3. Attend tax classes, and prep for the RTRP exam in November
4. Run a 2.9 relay leg in the Detroit Marathon.
5. Hair appointment.
6. Facial (See note # 2)
7. Finish 2nd draft of book.
8. Write more.
9. Closets, closets, closets.
10. Pictures, pictures, pictures.
11. Send overdue gifts.

And that's not including all the daily Things to Do, and the afterschool activity carousel, and fall TV schedule and 2nd grade math homework.

For the record, so far, the most challenging thing about 2nd grade math is refraining from humming the Jeopardy theme song while my daughter stares into space for 5 minutes.

Did you notice, Blogging is not on the list? Awwww.

First Draft

I just did it. I just finished writing a for-real, all the way to the end, 96,853 words, 36 chapters, first draft of a novel.

I'm beyond excited about this, which is why I'm bragging about it on my blog. I've spent a year on this story, but before that, I spent many many years with many beginnings of stories that I never had the stamina to take all the way to The End.

So tiny little pat on the back for myself, while I'm still feeling it. Oh, heck, great big pat on the back and a rum n coke! I'm sure it won't be long before the doubts come back out to play, but for now, I'm riding the high into revision-land for as long as I can.

The one thing I have going for me is that I love my story. Okay, yeah, I wrote it myself, so I probably should, but at least I know I'm not going to get sick of it.

That's right, my book, the book I wrote myself, is now right up there with all my favorites, some of them favorites for the whole story, like Bridget Jones' Diary, others, favorites for just one or two perfect pages.

I've skimmed my way numerous times to that delicious scene where Percy literally kisses the ground Marguerite walks on. I've taken on "Phantom of the Opera" over and over, for Raoul on the roof with Christine, bitterly trying to accept their "secret engagement," or for that moment when the Phantom speaks his name, or sheds a tear.

I've read "A Tale of Two Cities," cover to cover many times, just for the joy of that moment when Sidney Carton does "a far, far better thing."

I'm looking forward to revising and revisiting all the tender and twisted moments I love and savor in my own book. I just have to make sure I work on all the other parts too.

What books do you love to re-read?